i have eaten my fill
of the year.
let the day become
the night,
let the morning
gleam
with sunshine.
we must begin again
or continue on.
I have been battling light lately. The color, or rather, the warmth of it. I struggle in the dim light, when it is not yet what it truly can be. I prefer a bright, clean light, in which every corner of this wretched world can be bathed. My husband and I are building a new home together – that is, we are moving on from our address of 10 years to a new, light-filled space. Every north-facing window overlooks the dry river, and we shall soon gaze across it towards the rising and setting sun.
The choice became mine, considering my close relationship with light, when we decided upon the warmth of the bulbs within our new home. In our first home we had finally settled on 3000K, as we slowly but surely upgraded it as we grew. 10 years is a long time.
So, I chose between 3000K and 3500K for the new. I wandered the halls, savoring the daylight, and it became clear. We must step into a brighter tomorrow. 3500K it is.
The temperature satiates my need for the warmth of the night and the cool, brisk opening of the morning.
I am not a morning person, but I aspire to be. Were I to wake before an ungodly hour, my body would rebel as it has countless times before. Being a morning person makes me sick. But it’s the perfect beginning of a new day that attracts me. The cold, dull light brightens with promise. Things that have not yet come to pass wink from the future. Optimism insists.
Still, my body prefers the cover of night, wrapped in the cozy darkness. Creating after hours feels like a secret between me and the world. I can be myself without the fear of being discovered, and the creation may be unearthed by the light of day.
Darkness is often associated with dinginess or danger. I prefer to consider the freedom of it. But now, as we step into a new home and a new year, I shield my eyes and drink in the sunshine.